May 15, 2018

One Man's Journey of Healing Shame - Part 2

This week, Dolan continues his series and explores how we can transform shame by connecting to it's meaning or purpose in our lives.


When I first heard my therapist gently tell me, "Dolan, you are shamed to the core," I didn’t know how to react. What does that mean? It felt so disturbing. I didn’t like how it sounded, but it felt true.

What does shamed to the core mean? It means that shame goes all the way deep down to your core. Shame influences your core beliefs about yourself. It may mean you think, feel and believe you’re unlovable. Or it may mean you think, feel and believe you’re unworthy. Of course neither one of these are true. It just feels that way when you are shamed to the core.

I was shamed to the core. I thought very little of myself. This had many ripple effects. Shamed to the core could cross the line to self-loathing which was not good. But strangely, in this weird sort of way, self-loathing seemed right. A perverted sense of justice. Since I was unworthy, I didn’t deserve love. I deserved contempt. Shamed to the core made self-compassion and self-love difficult to give to myself.

One of the common themes in my therapy was to feel my feelings. When I started ,I didn’t even know what that meant. But I eventually learned. I trusted my therapist; I was willing to feel my feelings. She encouraged me to feel my pain and shame. That’s not really what I wanted to do. What I wanted was my pain and shame to stop. But after over 30 plus years of trying it my way without success, I decided to try her way.

Learning to feel my feelings had benefits. I learned I didn’t have to fear my feelings like I once did. I learned how to identify my feelings, which was helpful. But feeling my feelings never made my shame go away.

I had this idea in my mind, that if I could just get to the root of my shame, if I could just feel it deeply enough, I could get rid of it once and for all. So I kept feeling my shame, again and again, always trying to go deeper. 

One inspired day while reading some metaphysics, the author said that even single celled organisms had some form of consciousness. That inspired a thought. I wondered if I could feel shame all the way down in my cells.

I closed the windows and drew the blinds. I laid down on my bed and quieted my mind. I closed my eyes and became still. I was trying to feel as deeply as I could, all the way down to my cells I was feeling deeper and deeper. Bam! There it was. I felt shame in my cells. This disturbed me. WTF? My first thought was, I’m screwed. I’m never going to escape shame. What does that mean? Then I took a few breaths and collected myself. My next thought was I wonder if shame goes even further. I wonder if there is shame in my cell’s nucleus.

Again, I calmed my mind and lay still, feeling as deeply as I could. Slowly, slowly feeling. Slowing my heart rate and my breathing. Then boom! There it was. Shame was in my DNA. I couldn’t believe it. But this time I didn’t feel disturbed. I was curious. Shame in my DNA, hmm. What does that mean? I pondered the idea. Well, if shame is in my DNA, then it means it’s not my fault. It’s not my fault I feel shame. I have no control over it. Just like I have no control over my eye color, skin color, or height. It’s in my DNA. It’s not my fault. I’m normal. Whew, what a relief!

Shame is a normal human emotion. Everyone feels shame. But people just don’t go around talking about it. This is what makes shame tricky. There are so few models on how to deal with it successfully.

Realizing that shame was in my DNA, I began to change how I thought about shame. Getting to the bottom of it and being done with it once and for all wasn’t an option. I needed to learn how to resolve the shame.

It wasn’t till I read the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl that I found the missing piece. This book tells Frankl’s story about surviving multiple Nazi death camps. In his book Frankl writes, "Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning."

This was the key. This was the missing piece. I considered feeling shame to be suffering. So I needed to find the meaning in my shame if I wanted it to stop. 

As soon as I learned to find the meaning in feeling shame, the shame stopped. It was surreal and surprising. It is not only possible for shame to stop, it is a shock and an immense relief when it does.

Dolan Mayeda is an author, coach, and chiropractic kinesiologist. He enjoys swimming, cooking, and his family tradition of making mochi. He lives and practices in San Diego, CA. 

May 8, 2018

One Man's Journey of Healing Shame - Part 1

This week, I am thrilled to introduce you to Dolan Mayeda, who in addition to being a chiropractic kinesiologist, author and coach living in San Diego, is also a Comment Moderator for the Healing from Sexual Abuse Facebook Group

This month, he will be sharing his journey in understanding and healing shame. He's even written a book about it called Shame Hack. The book describes the process by which we can transform shame from a place of hurt to a place of healing. 


I’d like to begin by sharing a little bit about myself. I’m a child sexual abuse survivor. I can’t recall the exact age. But I believe I was in the third grade. It was a one-time event from a neighborhood kid down the street. And it messed me up.

I’m third generation Japanese American depending on when you start counting. I start with my grandfather who immigrated and consider him first generation. I grew in a Japanese culture. One of the few Japanese words I learned growing up was bachi. Bachi as I understood the word means you get what you deserve. 

When my parents explained bachi to me they would said, "If you play with fire and you get burned, you deserve it." Thus if bad things happened to me, I thought I deserved it. If I thought very little of myself, I thought that was right. I had circular thinking as a child. I’m bad. Something bad happens to me. I feel bad. I deserve it. And around the thoughts go.

I’m a sensitive person by nature. I feel deeply and am quite observant. Growing up being sensitive sucked. It was just too easy to get my feelings hurt. So I learned to shut them down. Now, as an adult I’ve learned that being sensitive is truly a gift. It allows me to connect with people at a heart level, which is something I truly enjoy.

I’ve had plenty of shame to deal with. I was molested, raised in a shame influenced culture, and have a sensitive nature. I share this with you so that you know that I know what it is to feel shame. In fact, I’d say I was shamed to the core. I’ll talk about being shamed to the core in the next post.

For now, let’s just talk about shame. There are so many different experiences and triggers for shame. For our discussion, I’m going to keep it simple and talk about shame as a feeling only. Yes shame can be far more complex with branches and interwoven pieces from a psycho-social-cultural model. But let’s keep it something we all can relate to. How it feels.

When I speak of shame I am talking about the painful feeling of not being enough. This feeling of not being enough comes in many flavors. Shame can feel like you are: unworthy, unlovable, you don’t belong, you’re the only one, you’re broken, there’s something wrong with you.

Let’s break a couple of these down. You feel unworthy. You are not enough to be worthy. It’s not that you ARE unworthy. You just feel that way. And this is what shame feels like. Here’s another. You feel unlovable. You are not unlovable. You feel shame.

This is what makes shame so tricky. You identify with the feeling. With shame it’s not that you feel bad. You ARE bad. You identify with being bad. You feel unworthy, which is shame. So you believe that you are. Why? Because it feels so true. Here’s another factor. If you feel emotions intensely, then when you feel unworthy, you feel intensely unworthy. It feels that much more true. Of course, you are not unworthy. You just feel that way at an intense and perhaps deep level. Perhaps you feel shame to the core. 

There’s good news if you feel shame the core. It means that you can feel to the core. If you can feel to the core, you can feel love to the core. Or joy to the core. Or meaning to the core. Shame is not a life sentence. Shame is a feeling. A feeling that can transform how you experience yourself.

One of the first steps to learn when you begin to resolve shame is to identify it. When you feel unworthy, unlovable or like you’re the only one, realize that you feel shame. Realizing you feel shame puts you in a position to begin to transform it, versus believing what shame is telling you. This is crucial. This changes your position from identifying with shame (i.e., I am unworthy) to realizing you are having feelings. This is a powerful beginning.

Read Part 2!
Dolan Mayeda is an author, coach, and chiropractic kinesiologist. He enjoys swimming, cooking, and his family tradition of making mochi. He lives and practices in San Diego, CA. 

April 24, 2018

Healing Trauma with Tipi

This week, Cedric helps us to understand how trauma gets stuck in the limbic system and what we can do to release it.


We have all seen how a single traumatic experience can lead to years, even decades, of depression or PTSD.

I know for a fact that no one has to live with the weight of past trauma or depression.

Through years of practice in emotional regulation I have had the privilege of helping many individuals overcome their depression, chronic anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

To be completely honest, I did practically nothing; these women and men placed their pain in front of them, felt it in their bodies, surrendered to it, and regulated it.

I would be lying if I were to claim that a single emotional regulation session can fully resolve a trauma. Most of the time one traumatic experience leads to several painful emotional repercussions. A trauma survivor needs to examine his daily life and identify the past's manifestations on life today. 

During an emotional regulation session we always work from within the present. The traumatic event does not need to be revisited--a huge relief for many survivors of trauma. In fact, when it comes to healing old emotional wounds, we consider that working on the inciting trauma is counterproductive because the memories are too charged, too old, or distorted.

How does trauma stay stuck in us? Neuroscientists and psychologists have begun to understand why the impact of a traumatic experience is so deeply rooted, despite a multitude of subsequent positive experiences.

Trauma elicits such an intense multifactorial physiological response, flooding the body with stress hormones, that the associated memories reside in the limbic system. As renowned neuroscientist Joseph Ledoux explains in his book "Anxious", from the moment the traumatic memory is created, every subsequent situation that contains elements which our limbic system associates with the trauma will provoke a danger signal with associated physiologic responses. This set of sensations cannot be overruled by our intellect because it isn't generated by the forebrain. That's why it is impossible to "logic our way out" of trauma and why talk therapy often fails.

How does Emotional Regulation integrate a Trauma?
In his book "Sensory Reliving " (Emotion Forte Edition, 2015), Luc Nicon outlined how the physical sensations felt during our emotional difficulties create a clear and direct path to the origin of our traumas. 

When we consciously experience the sensations present in our body during an emotion without trying to control or understand them, we allow the forebrain to reconnect to the data stored in the limbic system; data that was until then isolated. Once this reconnection happens, the result is spontaneous and permanent, meaning that the emotional pattern felt until then will end.
We will have to work, step by step, regulating one emotional pattern at the time.

Once a person is ready to let go of the suffering, to release the pain of past trauma, a healing process is available. 

Our body is waiting for our mind to be ready to heal.

If you would like more information about this work, or if you want to experience regulating difficult emotions, visit

Cedric Bertelli, Director of Tipi USA, has been teaching the Tipi process for emotional regulation in the US since 2011. He was personally trained by Luc Nicon, the researcher who created the program in France. They continue to collaborate closely as this work gains worldwide momentum. Cedric is recognized as a CAMFT-approved Continuing Education Provider, he has been training therapists, Special Ed teachers and other healthcare professionals for 7 years.

April 16, 2018

Healing Our Emotions, Healing Our Body

This week, Cedric tells us about how Tipi helped one mother resolve her anger, heal her relationship with her daughter, and heal her body.


Consciously or subconsciously, we humans are constantly impacted by the moods and emotions of others. In fact, we go so far as to push each other’s buttons just because there is "juice" there! Did you ever notice that when we are triggered, the people around us can sense it and their mood or demeanor shifts? Often they do not even realize why they feel this inner shift. This phenomenon is common in adults and children alike.

I very clearly remember working with a 35 year old single mother, Jessica. Jessica contacted me last year seeking help with the intense anger she felt toward her 6-year-old daughter. Most of the time, the anger was triggered by little things, like her daughter not being able to choose between two pairs of shoes or taking too long to get dressed. It is common for parents to have occasional feelings of anger toward their children. Even when they intellectually understand that something is not worth getting upset about, they just CAN’T help it! The anger can be overwhelming. And after they’ve blown up and the child is crying, they feel guilty and terrible about themselves. They resolve to be more patient. Still, the pattern plays itself out time and time again. It is hard on the child, the parent, the co-parent—the whole family.

In Jessica’s case, she would get extremely frustrated and angry when her daughter was slow to get ready, couldn’t make a decision, or left her toys lying around. The frustration was so intense at times that Jessica, a sweet and charming woman, had to walk away from her daughter to scream and punch something—a door, a pillow, anything.

I want to take a second here to recognize that it takes a lot of courage for a parent to acknowledge this kind of behavior and to seek help. Many would be too ashamed, afraid of being judged, to take the steps toward change. But Jessica was committed to a close relationship with her daughter. She could see that her behavior was making the girl feel sad and afraid.

Jessica heard about my work with emotional regulation through a girlfriend who attended one of my monthly free trainings. We met in my office in San Francisco for the session. As I usually do, I asked her how long she will need to notice whether her anger has resolved. I explained that once a negative emotion has been regulated with Tipi, it will never return. Jessica chuckled and said: "I will know tonight or tomorrow morning! But let’s wait a couple of weeks, just to be sure." So we booked our follow up appointment in two weeks and, feeling confident that she had resolved her anger, I was eager for the follow-up.

When the day finally came, as I opened the door Jessica was standing there with a huge smile:

"I don’t know what you did, but it worked!" she said. I asked her to tell me about it, "Well …," she continued, "I did not get upset once in the morning, not once! That has never happened before."  

I said that it was wonderful and congratulated her on the work she accomplished during our session. "Wait, there is more to it!" she said. Since the session, her daughter was noticeably better about cleaning up after herself, getting ready in the morning, and choosing between her pink or white sneakers without anybody having to plead with or push or frighten her!

It made total sense: mom got rid of her button and, instead of feeling blocked or afraid, the child could make decisions peacefully, naturally, easily!

Jessica shared another effect of our session. The eczema she had on her neck for several months disappeared within a few days of our work together.

Sometimes this happens after a session—it is just the body saying "thank you!"

Let me wrap up by saying that the solution to our emotional problems is definitely inside of us. Often, the best way to change a difficult situation is to change our behavior. To do this reliably, we must heal our emotions.

And all of us can do that, our body has the natural capacity for it. The greatest challenge is recognizing and acknowledging our patterns. Once we have identified them, regulating the dysfunctional emotions is straightforward. And the impact is powerful, on our life and on the lives of people around us.

Cedric Bertelli, Director of Tipi USA, has been teaching the Tipi process for emotional regulation in the US since 2011. He was personally trained by Luc Nicon, the researcher who created the program in France. They continue to collaborate closely as this work gains worldwide momentum. Cedric is recognized as a CAMFT-approved Continuing Education Provider, he has been training therapists, Special Ed teachers and other healthcare professionals for 7 years.

April 10, 2018

Facing Negative Emotions

This week, Cedric Bertelli shares how being with emotions without trying to change them actually helps resolve them.

I often get asked by professionals and clients alike:

"Cedric, is emotional regulation with Tipi truly different from other emotional healing modalities out there? What do your classes and program offer that we have not already tried?"

I can’t possibly answer that; after all, I don’t know what you have seen.

What I can share with you is the feedback we receive from professionals who have "seen it all"--psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, somatic experiencing. EDMR, mindfulness, or EFT to name a few. Their statements speak to the unique approach and the groundbreaking results they have witnessed in their work with Tipi. But most rewarding are the testimonials of clients who have "tried it all" over the years, yearning to feel better...and finally they do.

In fact, emotional regulation with Tipi is not another "modality" or "approach". It is the very foundation--the essence--of all effective techniques that exist out there. It is the reason behind why those techniques work.

There are countless techniques aimed at healing trauma or disruptive emotional patterns through thinking, theorizing, intellectually analyzing. This is the root difference between them and Tipi. Luc Nicon, the creator of the Tipi Program in France, first noticed the body's natural capacity for healing during his work as an education consultant in major European companies, in the French school system, and in professional sports teams. 

He observed how people who keyed into and followed the physical sensations in their bodies when faced with a negative emotion experienced resolution of the emotion. This observation held true across cultural and demographic divides: as long as people observed the sensations which accompany the emotion without intellectual input, without trying to control them or ease them, the emotion resolved very quickly and did not resurface.

Intrigued by this realization, Nicon spent several years conducting hundreds of observational case studies to understand and define this natural physiologic capacity. You can learn more about the study in the book “Sensory Reliving” (Emotion Forte Editions).

So, in practical terms, how is regulating emotions through our program different?

Well, first of all, it is painless. You do not have to unearth and air out past trauma. The emotional aftermath of past experiences in the present day offer the perfect window of opportunity to heal old wound.

And there is no grueling reliving of past grief, terror, and pain. You will be in the emotional state for one second, after which you will be shifted quickly to the sensorial, where there is no fear or pain. Each session never exceeds thirty minutes, can be done by phone or Skype, and 80% of emotional difficulties are fully resolved after a single session. After each session we will always schedule a follow up, whenever you want, in order to ensure that the disruptive emotion is completely integrated.

Do you want to hear another practical difference? The payment is not per session, but rather per achievement of the desired results, thus completely aligning the goals of the client and the treating professional.

As I've said before, there is no "catch". I'm not looking for repeat customers or a prolonged treatment program. If you are a person struggling with difficult emotions, my goal will be to regulate each one of them in one session. And if you are a professional, over the course of eight non-consecutive days, I will teach you to permanently regulate the emotional difficulties of your clients or patients. So, you have almost nothing to lose and everything to gain....

Until next time!

Read Part 3: Healing Our Emotions, Healing Our Body

Cedric Bertelli, Director of Tipi USA, has been teaching the Tipi process for emotional regulation in the US since 2011. He was personally trained by Luc Nicon, the researcher who created the program in France. They continue to collaborate closely as this work gains worldwide momentum. Cedric is recognized as a CAMFT-approved Continuing Education Provider, he has been training therapists, Special Ed teachers and other healthcare professionals for 7 years.

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